I never post unfinished artwork but my heart is broken at the news of Shannen Doherty’s passing.

I’ve been working on a very special art piece of Shannen for the last few weeks, so I could gift it to her in person at a Fan Expo next month. Ironically I got a lot more sketched out over the weekend but still have a lot more to get done on it. I was super excited for this con. I had my Brenda Walsh doll (that I keep displayed next to my Dylan doll in my art space) ready to have autographed and even designed a Team Brenda shirt that I had my printing partner make for me to wear and show her my support.

Then this morning I heard my husband call out to me with “Baby, go check Instagram, I think Shannen Doherty passed away”. My heart dropped. No it can’t be, but so it was. To say I am crushed would be an understatement. Not because I am a just another fangirl who has admired Shannen all these years, but because I really wanted to share a special moment with her. Be one more voice that told her they have always had her back all these years. Not just with her battle with cancer but her battle with all the haters as well. I admired her for her talents but also her strength and perseverance. She never gave up the fight. Wither it be backlash from cast members, media, trolls or the horrendous disease she was up again. She remained as resilient as she could and I loved her for that.

Originally I considered drawing her as Brenda Walsh with Luke Perry as Dylan McKay because I will forever be Team Brenda + Dylan! After growing up watching Shannen on Our House I was excited when I first heard she would be on the cast on Beverly Hills 90210 and because of her I tuned in. Growing up, I found myself relating to Brenda’s journey the most on the show. Navigating the complexities of life as a light eyed, pale, brunette girl from the Midwest who romanticized about using her talents to one day do something more in life always resonated with me. But the thing I think I admired most about Brenda was that she was unapologetic for being her true authentic self (hippie witch Twin Peaks style and all).

As years went by and I started to see Shannen’s name popping up in the headlines it never changed my admiration for her, in fact it only made me admire her even more. It was like all that fire I saw behind Brenda’s eyes was now Shannen shining through and pushing her to remember her worth. When they let Shannen go after season 4 I refused to watch it anymore. To me Brenda was what gave the show purpose and substance and Shannen was the reason I first wanted to watch the show to begin with. So I chose to follow her in her new roles instead, such as Charmed and anything I saw her starring in and I will never forget how ecstatic I was when Kevin Smith casted her in Mallrats! She was the reason I first watched the movie and have loved his movies ever since. I mean anyone smart and rebellious enough to cast Shannen when so many people were hating on her was bound to make some cool shit (and still does). I really admire him for seeing past all the BS and focusing on her and her acting talents. It wasn’t until I heard she was returning for the reunion show of BH90210 in memory of Luke, that I tuned in again and literally it was just to see her reprise her role. Ironically when I started to watch and discovered she was actually playing the role as Shannen, my adult self could not believe how much I still related to her.

One thing I was looking forward to sharing with her most was how the Beverly Hills 90210 episode “It’s Only A Test” aired in 1991 when I had lost my Mom to breast cancer. Just like Brenda’s Aunt, my Mom was also young (only 39) when she left this world and mine was never the same. That episode made me feel less alone as no one I knew at my young age was going through what I was going through. For a brief second I felt some normalcy. Many moons later when I found out about Shannen’s real life diagnosis I took to Instagram to let her know that she was not alone in her fight either. I was even inspired by her motivation when I discovered in her feed that she was using dance as a way to keep her body moving and her spirits up. So much so that after my multiple intestinal surgeries and health set backs I started to give it a try. It is now my outlet for “exercise” and gives me so much joy.

My whole vision for the art piece I wanted to do for her changed once I discovered that Shannen recently downsized her home in Tennessee in order to make things easier for her Mama Rosa incase anything should ever happen to her. She was not giving up the fight but just taking proactive steps and looking out for her. Her posts about her Mama Rosa being by her side during her hardest cancer moments was something that always hit me to my very core. As someone who was in the reverse role and can no longer share things with their Mom, I had this overwhelming intuition to put my original idea on the back burner and decided to focus on drawing something that she could share with hers. My inner child was telling me, If you have this one opportunity with her, make it count. So I switched gears and started the portrait you see here….

I am really sad I will never get to tell and show her what an impact she had on me or gift her this special portrait I have been putting my heart and soul into. My intentions were definitely there, but it looks like the universe had other plans. As much as I and other fans are hurting right now, my thoughts and positive manifestations of healing go out to her family and close friends. If it hurts this bad for us to lose someone we grew up admiring so much, I can only imagine how someone who actually had the blessing of knowing her must be feeling right now.

So with that I would just like to end this by saying thank you to Shannen for being so unapologetically Shan Do and showing the world what it means to be authentic and fierce. Like the words Dylan told Brenda when they first crossed paths you will always be “incandescent” in my eyes. Shine brightly in the stardust with Luke for us! 💕

Stay Spooky & Magical!
LDG Nicole