Tag Archives: in memory

Shan Do Forever 💕

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I never post unfinished artwork but my heart is broken at the news of Shannen Doherty’s passing.

I’ve been working on a very special art piece of Shannen for the last few weeks, so I could gift it to her in person at a Fan Expo next month. Ironically I got a lot more sketched out over the weekend but still have a lot more to get done on it. I was super excited for this con. I had my Brenda Walsh doll (that I keep displayed next to my Dylan doll in my art space) ready to have autographed and even designed a Team Brenda shirt that I had my printing partner make for me to wear and show her my support.

Then this morning I heard my husband call out to me with “Baby, go check Instagram, I think Shannen Doherty passed away”. My heart dropped. No it can’t be, but so it was. To say I am crushed would be an understatement. Not because I am a just another fangirl who has admired Shannen all these years, but because I really wanted to share a special moment with her. Be one more voice that told her they have always had her back all these years. Not just with her battle with cancer but her battle with all the haters as well. I admired her for her talents but also her strength and perseverance. She never gave up the fight. Wither it be backlash from cast members, media, trolls or the horrendous disease she was up again. She remained as resilient as she could and I loved her for that.

Originally I considered drawing her as Brenda Walsh with Luke Perry as Dylan McKay because I will forever be Team Brenda + Dylan! After growing up watching Shannen on Our House I was excited when I first heard she would be on the cast on Beverly Hills 90210 and because of her I tuned in. Growing up, I found myself relating to Brenda’s journey the most on the show. Navigating the complexities of life as a light eyed, pale, brunette girl from the Midwest who romanticized about using her talents to one day do something more in life always resonated with me. But the thing I think I admired most about Brenda was that she was unapologetic for being her true authentic self (hippie witch Twin Peaks style and all).

As years went by and I started to see Shannen’s name popping up in the headlines it never changed my admiration for her, in fact it only made me admire her even more. It was like all that fire I saw behind Brenda’s eyes was now Shannen shining through and pushing her to remember her worth. When they let Shannen go after season 4 I refused to watch it anymore. To me Brenda was what gave the show purpose and substance and Shannen was the reason I first wanted to watch the show to begin with. So I chose to follow her in her new roles instead, such as Charmed and anything I saw her starring in and I will never forget how ecstatic I was when Kevin Smith casted her in Mallrats! She was the reason I first watched the movie and have loved his movies ever since. I mean anyone smart and rebellious enough to cast Shannen when so many people were hating on her was bound to make some cool shit (and still does). I really admire him for seeing past all the BS and focusing on her and her acting talents. It wasn’t until I heard she was returning for the reunion show of BH90210 in memory of Luke, that I tuned in again and literally it was just to see her reprise her role. Ironically when I started to watch and discovered she was actually playing the role as Shannen, my adult self could not believe how much I still related to her.

One thing I was looking forward to sharing with her most was how the Beverly Hills 90210 episode “It’s Only A Test” aired in 1991 when I had lost my Mom to breast cancer. Just like Brenda’s Aunt, my Mom was also young (only 39) when she left this world and mine was never the same. That episode made me feel less alone as no one I knew at my young age was going through what I was going through. For a brief second I felt some normalcy. Many moons later when I found out about Shannen’s real life diagnosis I took to Instagram to let her know that she was not alone in her fight either. I was even inspired by her motivation when I discovered in her feed that she was using dance as a way to keep her body moving and her spirits up. So much so that after my multiple intestinal surgeries and health set backs I started to give it a try. It is now my outlet for “exercise” and gives me so much joy.

My whole vision for the art piece I wanted to do for her changed once I discovered that Shannen recently downsized her home in Tennessee in order to make things easier for her Mama Rosa incase anything should ever happen to her. She was not giving up the fight but just taking proactive steps and looking out for her. Her posts about her Mama Rosa being by her side during her hardest cancer moments was something that always hit me to my very core. As someone who was in the reverse role and can no longer share things with their Mom, I had this overwhelming intuition to put my original idea on the back burner and decided to focus on drawing something that she could share with hers. My inner child was telling me, If you have this one opportunity with her, make it count. So I switched gears and started the portrait you see here….

I am really sad I will never get to tell and show her what an impact she had on me or gift her this special portrait I have been putting my heart and soul into. My intentions were definitely there, but it looks like the universe had other plans. As much as I and other fans are hurting right now, my thoughts and positive manifestations of healing go out to her family and close friends. If it hurts this bad for us to lose someone we grew up admiring so much, I can only imagine how someone who actually had the blessing of knowing her must be feeling right now.

So with that I would just like to end this by saying thank you to Shannen for being so unapologetically Shan Do and showing the world what it means to be authentic and fierce. Like the words Dylan told Brenda when they first crossed paths you will always be “incandescent” in my eyes. Shine brightly in the stardust with Luke for us! 💕

Stay Spooky & Magical!
LDG Nicole

“Mia” A Special Memorial Tribute by Artist Living Dead Girl Nicole

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Drawing someone as beautiful as they are is one thing. Drawing them as beautiful as they once were is another. Which is why it has been taking me some time to finish a portrait I have been working on for the past few months.

As some of you may recall I did a post regarding my goddess daughter Ava who will be walking along side my dear friend Regina (her Mom) in the Out of the Darkness Walk in memory of her older sister Mia who had unexpectedly passed away in June.

I have had the honor of watching Mia grow up from an adorable, smart little girl into a very talented and incredible young woman. The thought of her choosing to no longer be in this world at the age of 21 seemed (and still seems) so surreal to me. At times in her life Mia struggled with feeling accepted and because of that she always went out of her way to make others know that they were loved, having their backs when they needed it, and opening her heart of gold to others even when she herself was not always feeling complete. That is why after getting the news of her passing and the initial shock had “settled” I knew I had to do something in her memory that represented the beautiful soul that she was and will always be to those who had the honor of knowing her.

Just like Mia often did, I channeled my mix of emotions into art and decided to do a portrait for my friend Regina. I had a hard time choosing what photo to use until I came across one that really spoke to me. It was one that showed her smiling and living in the moment and there was movement (from the wind) in the photo that gave it “life”. Although it was not the clearest image and there were other people in it, I decided to pick up my pencils and went to work.

I have found that memorial portraits of people you personally know can tend to be hard to get through. It’s why I have not done a ton of them despite losing so many people in my life. Not only do you have the usual pressure of making it look like the person, but you are reminded over and over again why you are drawing the portrait in the first place. The younger they are the harder it becomes. It can often bring on a roller coaster of emotions. This portrait was no exception. At times when I would struggle working on it I would call on Mia and ask to channel her talents because I wanted to be able to give her Mom something special to help get her through the turmoil of losing her.

When I finished it I was nervous to share it with Regina at first. Not just because I knew it would stir up her emotions but because I really wanted to do her daughter justice and reflect how breathtaking she really was. When she saw it she told me she couldn’t get over how much it looked like Mia and told me how much she loves it.

My hope now is that whenever my friend looks at this portrait that she is reminded of the wonderful job she did raising such an admirable daughter who loved so unconditionally. A young woman in a cruel world who still showed love, kindness, and acceptance to those she met along the way. Someone we can all learn so much from. Someone we will never forget.

Stay Spooky & Magical,
LDG Nicole

Help Support The Out Of The Darkness Walk

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As you all know I am all about supporting good causes and this one is very special to a lot of people I care about. My goddess daughter (aka goddaughter) Ava is taking part in the Out of The Darkness Walk this fall in memory of her big sister Mia who recently passed away. I am reaching out to my Freaky Fanatics because I know this will help her find some closure by doing this in her sister’s memory. If you can, please visit her donation link here and help her reach her goal by September 17th. Any amount no matter how big or small would mean the world to her right now. 🌅

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imagejpeg_0It sucks when a day turns into a milestone that makes you flashback to so much loss. An annual reminder of how long you have lived your life without someone in it. A day you flashback to when you were a child and felt the worse pain imaginable. For 27 years, March 16th has been a day of mourning,  a day of feeling incomplete, a day of “why her?”,  a day of confusion, a day or feeling alone, a day of tears you can’t hold back even in public, a constant reminder of when my entire world got turned upside down. The day the world lost an incredible woman. My mother.

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Every year on this day I go to the cemetery in her memory and it’s never easy. This year I decided to make a special bouquet for her. I am hoping it might help to use symbolism and to honor her instead of focusing so much on the loss of her not being here. I used flowers in some of the bright colors I know she would like. My goal was “let’s brighten such a sad and shitty day…….somehow.” Yes, the pink ribbon symbolizes breast cancer but to me, it also symbolizes that she was a fighter!  The owl represents who she was as a person. She loved owls and they remind me of the happier times of my childhood as they decorated the house we lived in. But they are also very wise, strong and beautiful creatures…… just like her.

As another step of trying to focus this creation 6tag_230716-104736post in her memory. I want to end it with a photo of her and I that always makes me smile. My Mom was a funny lady and my brother and I  get a lot of my personality from her. As you can also see in this photo 🙂 This one’s for you Mom! You may not be here physically, but your spirit will always live on within us. Thank you for giving us the foundation that helps to keep us strong.  For the signs, you send to Mike and I that let us know you’re with us or that you know what we are facing. For bringing random people into our lives at just the right times that help to keep us going. Your love shines through them. Thank you for being the woman you were to help me become the woman I am.

Never Forgotten,
LDG Nicole